Dark Night of the Soul
In 1993, I began to experience a deep, fundamental spiritual transformation. A number of life changes occurred right around then, including decisions to stop smoking and eating meat (the latter out of deep concern for animals). I suddenly began to have a variety of psychic experiences. These included picking up on thoughts and emotions emanating from outside myself (becoming empathic), precognitive and lucid dreams, and synchronicities that could not be explained by coincidence.
Until this time, I had NEVER before had any sort of psychic experience that I was aware of. I had no spiritual background or curiosity whatsoever and so was a completely blank slate. I was raised in an agnostic, very lapsed Jewish home, in which no one actually believed in God. Yet one of my first thoughts upon having these psychic experiences, which were so alien and inexplicable, was “Well, if ESP can actually exist, then maybe God can exist too.” This thought just popped into my head and stayed there.
Since then, for over a decade, I’ve been experiencing what can be described as a classic “dark night of the soul” and have been overwhelmed by almost constant feelings of exile and impending doom. I've sought help for chronic anxiety, insomnia and depression from a number of medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers. Oddly enough, one professional who diagnosed me as having obsessive-compulsive disorder went on to inform me that I was like a “Betazoid” on Star Trek, without “filters” to block out harmful psychic energy. (For those of you who don’t know it, a Betazoid is someone that psychically reads situations and then advises Captain Picard accordingly.) This was from a supposedly conventional psychologist, paid for by Blue Cross. Weird. In general, these folks have given me a variety of pills and sent me on my way.
I look around, and this sense of impending doom is validated by my standard 5 senses. More and more, we're all seeing environmental destruction, violence and the decline of civilization. The world will probably surpass its carrying capacity in the very near future, the result being "the end of the world as we know it." I don't see this being avoided at all. My gut instincts tell me that I'm part of a larger spiritual awakening. For what purpose, I don't know.
I very rarely talk about these things, but when I do, most people have no idea what I’m really talking about. A few do, but are reluctant to open up, pull their head out of the sand and face this pervasive existential angst because it’s so painful (my husband falls into the latter category). I've found myself slogging throught the rat race in a state of quiet desperation, waiting and praying for the messiah like a good Jewish girl.
Edited to add:
I also sought help from a rabbi (once). After telling him about my psychic and spiritual experiences his response was basically, "Gee, I've never believed that God has personal relationships with people. My PhD thesis was based on the theory that God created the world and then completely turned his attention elsewhere. But, oddly enough, I just recently woke up in the middle of the night with the thought that maybe God does have personal relationships with people...and now you're here telling me about your personal experiences...hhmmmm...very interesting...thanks for sharing...have a nice life!" My response was "Huh? What the heck?"
7 Comments:
Check out this blog and it should answer some of your questions. http://monsieurcadilo.blogspot.com/
10:45 PM
Thanks for your comment! Checked out your(?) site and it's very thoughtful and well put together. Many of the posts are helpful and illuminating. When it comes to "accepting Jesus Christ as my lord and savior", however, I must take a pass. As a Jew, the Jesus gene is completely missing from my soul DNA. I'm happy that it works for you though! And that doesn't mean that we don't have other things in common :) (My June 2005 posts touch briefly on my views about Christianity...)
11:18 PM
Hi.
I totally understand you and I also feel the same. I'm DO believe there is a power out there that we can communicate to.
If you want to talk more about it, my email is: mcavalcanti79@hotmail.com
I'm a married woman with kids and this invitation is genuine. I'm not joking with you.
I would be glad to talk more about it.
See ya.
11:08 AM
i believe in the power of the mind
im just 16 but im very interested in those kind of things though i dont know if its related to religion
im trying to unleash my power i believe everyone has it
2:24 PM
thanks for your comment :)
and yeah, no prob with linking whatsoever
i'm bookmarking this to read as soon as i get the chance, but for now, i'm afraid i must say i'm part of that group which has no idea what you're talking about... i have had no psychic experiences whatsoever... though i too have the sensation of impending doom and decline of my civilization. don't need a 6th sense to realize that ;)
9:50 PM
Thanks for reading! And, for sure, you don't need a 6th sense to see what's going on! That's why I'm so amazed how many people don't! Or maybe they do and just can't deal with it, or are the type to fiddle while Rome burns.
8:17 AM
The beauty of Jesus is that He takes away the gloom and doom and replaces it with hope!
Grace be with you......
9:23 AM
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